Monday, May 25, 2009

Crack is the New Black

I live in a Texas town famous for a certain waterpark as well as a couple of rivers that draw tens of thousands of people here each summer for a carefree, waterlogged, tubin' vacation. What does that mean?

Swimsuits people. Lots of swimsuits.

And, this year, lots of butt crack.

Seriously. I didn't know this was a going trend.

For some, it's a matter of the suit riding a little low so that as the person in question makes their way back to their vehicle, arms full of inner-tubes, coolers, and such, their crack just starts to peek its way over the edge of the fabric. Hey, it happens.

For others... it's a matter of denial.

People, please.

There is no way you don't know that your swimsuit is, um, five sizes too small for the junk in your trunk. And in case your full-length mirror is telling you otherwise, allow me to break it to you gently.

Okay... how do I say this to you?

Oh yeah - your swimsuit is too small for you.

Do us all a favor - be real with yourself and buy the appropriate size. It will be more flattering on you and less revealing to all of the little kids at the snowcone stand.

As Whitney said - "Crack is whack!"


Jennifer said...

Man, I love that town, but I would HATE to live there in the summertime. I'm trying to get my girlfriends to sign up for a weekend away there. Becuase while I love it, David doesn't.

Anissa said...

Way to funny! I don't want to see butt crack either.