Thursday, June 4, 2009

For Sanity, Press One

If you've ever had to call your insurance company, you probably know how frustrating it is to actually get to talk to a real, live human being. Yesterday morning was no different for me. As I was taking the girls to school, I decided to multitask and call my insurance to find a provider. The girls were chillin' in the backseat, looking out at the cows and goats, and listening to some music, so I went ahead and dialed up Humana.

(Automated voice): Thank you for calling Humana. Are you a member or provider?

Me: Member.

(Automated voice): Alright, you're a member. What can I help you with today? (Followed by a menu of choices)

Me: Benefits.

At this point, my oldest decided it was funny that mommy was saying one-word answers, so she starts copying me.

Big Sis: Benfiss.

(Automated voice): Okay. Are you wanting to verify benefits, find a provider, hear claims status? State your choice.

Me: Find a provider.

Big Sis: Fine a povider.

(Automated voice): You want to verify benefits - let's get started. (Gives menu of choices).

Me (frustrated): No, find a provider.

Big Sis: Povider!! POVIDER!

(Automated voice): I'm sorry, I did not understand. (Repeats menu)

Me: Nooo, find a provider.

Big Sis: NOOO! Povider! Mommy!!! I want to get out now - I want to get ouuuuuuttt!

(Automated voice): I'm sorry, I did not understand. Please repeat your choice.

Me: K... please be quiet. Mommy's on the phone.

(Automated voice): I'm sorry, I did not understand. Please repeat your choice.

Big Sis: Mommeeeeee - I want out now!

Me: K... wait. Mommy's on the phone. (to phone) Find a Pro. Vi. Deeerrrr.

(Automated voice): Okay, find a provider. Is this correct?

Big Sis: Mo-ooo-mmeeee! I want out! Can we get out?!

Me: (to Big Sis) NOO!!!

(Automated voice): Okay. Thank you for calling Humana. Are you a member or provider?

Me: Aaaaaaaaaccccckkkk! I JUST WANT AN OPERATOR!!!!

Me: I want ouuuuuuuttt!

(Automated voice): Okay. Let me find you someone to help you.

After this, I was connected to an operator who found me a provider and who found it amusing that my daughter was screaming "Let me out!" in the background. I was off the phone in the next 15 seconds.

Note to self: Next time, just ask for an operator rather than talking to the Operator in a Box.

And don't talk to a voice-activated system with the kiddos around.


Jennifer said...

I HATE the voice operated systems. I have quite the SETX accent and it doesn't always catch my twang. And what really makes me mad is after I have tried the voice operated system and can't get what I want and shout operator at the phone and "the voice" asks, "ok, just let me ask you a few questions to direct you to the proper person...."


Anissa said...

I just pressed the buttons until someone answers. LOL --It works every time.

Banteringblonde said...

OMG that annoys me to no end. I started just saying random things until they hook me up to an operator!

Sewing-Chick said...

OMG. True story. I actually cried on the phone with the billing department of my pediatrician today because they have things so SCREWED UP. I was so angry over this never-ending-saga with them that I actually CRIED. They keep billing the wrong insurance company, and imagine that, that insurance company doesn't want to pay a bill for someone who they don't insure. This has been going on since my son was born almost four months ago. Today they told me the bill was sent to Collections. That pushed me over the edge. She admitted the mistake and said she would take care of it. Keep your fingers crossed that I actually got it sorted out with them today!!